Joe <3's Marycherry

Who's a Bitch?

2010-03-09T09:07:00.001-08:00

She's A B**** At The Movies

Love this....

New Years Resolutions (Part 2)

2010-02-05T07:15:00.000-08:00

As you know, I'm not normally a big holiday person, but that being said I LIVE for Jan 1st. I love the idea of setting goals and starting fresh. So I began the year with one goal, to quit my job. Then some latent Type A crazy took over and my one goal turned into a chronological 3 page outline, complete with a scheduled amount of time and money will dedicate to each goal and 2 pipe dream business proposals.

Crazy? No little voice in my head, i prefer to call it driven...yeah, driven.

Four (out of about 60) goals have already been put into motion.

1) I quit my job. It was a long time coming, but life's too short to be miserable.

2) I bought the website www.joelovesmarycherry.com--more on that to come.

3) I'm quitting smoking. "I've smoked from 13-22 then picked it up again last year. Now I'm down to 1 cig a week.

4) Back to working out/dieting on a regular basis.

F-you, F-you, F-you...Your Cool, F-you, I'm out!!

2010-01-11T05:20:00.000-08:00

I'm quitting my job on Friday. I could go into details, but I won't--ok, ok don't beg or twist my arm or anythnig. Lets just say...

1)I'm not, nor will I ever be a sales person

2) I will not allow myself to be crapped on. Especially by management.

So I drafted a mock goodbye letter to my buddy a few weeks ago, and i'm itching to send it to everyone the company. Because I need half way decent references...and I'm a big chicken, I'll send it to you, Reader insead.

Hello Fellow Ba****ers.

It's been a long and difficult struggle working here day after day, with little to no commission. Even harder to see people come in and make assignments in 3 months or less. But alas, water under the bridge. I will be moving on to greener pastures, those pastures can be found in **Singapore/southern France where i will be residing for a month or more, living the post college dream. So please think of me as you book your next assignement, as I will never ever think of any of you again.

Fuck you,

Angie

**When I wrote this I was going to tag a long with my boyfriend on one of his business trips., and leave directly from Barton to an exotic local. Needless to say that's not going to happen, even if we could afford it.

New Year's Resolutions (Part 1)

2010-01-01T16:25:00.000-08:00

Thing's I will Never Do

By Mae West

(Undated)

1. Take another woman's man. Not intentionally, that is. Even thought all;s fair in love and war and it ain't no sin.

2. Try to be anyting but myself at all times, publicly and privately, except on the stage or screen, for that's where acting belongs.

3. Cook, bake, sew, wash dishes, peel potatoes, eat onions, or bite my nails.

4. Wear white cotton stockings or join a nudist colony.

5. Like opera, number thirteen, yodelling, cold spaghetti, rats, snails, men who shave their necks, or over-ripe banana's.

6. Care for people who whistle in dressing rooms or checks that bounce as high a the stratosphere.

7. Play mother parts, sad parts, dumb parts, or a virtuous wife, betrayed or otherwise. I pity weak women, good or bad, but I can't like them. A woman should be strong either in her goodness or badness.

8. Go nuts about classical music, sandwiches, cigar smoke, places that smell like hospitals, and black nail polish.

9. Get excited over night clubs, contract bridge, fan dancing, bobby sox, the stock market, badminton, or bust developers.

10. Be thrilled to death by orchids, anonymous love letters, souvenir postcard folders, earthquakes, slave bracelets, or beds with hard mattresses.

11. Be bothered by Scotch money-lenders or boys who lisp.

12. Believe the worst about anybody without complete proof nor will I believe that it's useless to struggle against so-called Fate-the phony!

13. Walk when I can sit, or sit when i can recline. I believe in saving my energy - for important things.

14. Write a story that is unsophisticated, because I believe that innocence is as innocent doesn't.

15. Marry a man who is too handsome, a man who drinks to excess or doesn't carry his liquor like a gentleman,, a man who is easy to get, easily led into temptation-unless I do the leading.

As printed in Mae West "it ain't no sin" by Simon Louvish

Crack...Pie?

2009-12-27T10:48:00.000-08:00

http://jezebel.com/5426922/anderson-cooper-is-addicted-to-crack-pie

Why Anderson my love, I too enjoy the crack-like deliciousness of pie as I watch a Battlestar Galactica marathon...

If I find out Anderson spends his weekends wrapping his hair, painting his toenails, and eating handfuls of Ferrero Rocher while watching Buffy reruns...we're officially the same person. ;p

Apparently the recipe came from a chi-chi restaurant in New York. Martha Stewart loved the pie so much she invited the owner/manager on her show and bullied him out of the recipe. I love you Martha.

Crack Pie

Makes two 10-inch pies
• FOR THE OAT COOKIE
• 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened
• 1/2 cup light-brown sugar
• 3 tablespoons granulated sugar
• 1 large egg
• 1/3 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/3 cup old-fashioned oats
• 1/8 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/8 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• FOR THE CRUST
• 1/4 cup (1/2 stick) unsalted butter, softened
• 1 tablespoon light-brown sugar
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
• FOR THE FILLING
• 3/4 cup granulated sugar
• 3/4 cup light-brown sugar
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 2 tablespoons milk powder
• 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, melted
• 3/4 cup heavy cream
• 1/8 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• 8 large egg yolks
• Confectioners' sugar, for dusting

Directions
1. Make the oat cookie: Preheat oven to 350 degrees; line a baking sheet with parchment paper and set aside.
2. In a large bowl, mix together all oat cookie ingredients until well combined. Spread cookie mixture in an even layer on prepared baking sheet. Transfer to oven and bake until golden brown, about 15 minutes. Remove from oven and let cool slightly on a wire rack.
3. Make the crust: Using your hands, crumble oat cookie into a large bowl. Add butter, brown sugar, and salt; using your hands, toss until crumbly and well combined.
4. Divide mixture evenly between two 10-inch pie plates; pat into bottom and up sides. Set aside.
5. Make the filling: Reduce oven temperature to 325 degrees. In a large bowl, whisk together sugars, salt, and milk powder, breaking up any lumps. Whisk in butter, heavy cream, and vanilla until well combined. Whisk in yolks until just combined.
6. Pour filling into prepared pie crusts. Transfer pies to oven and bake until filling is set, about 15 minutes. Reduce oven temperature to 315 degrees and continue baking until top of pie is golden brown. Remove from oven and let cool slightly. Transfer to refrigerator and refrigerate until cool. Dust with confectioners' sugar just before serving.

So the taste was crack-a-licious, but the recpie was awful. It didn't...hold together properly. I suspect the Manager/owner of that chi-chi resteraunt left out some key ingredeints.

Baa Humbug

2009-12-16T18:38:00.000-08:00

I was waiting in line at the Daily Bagel waiting to make daily $8 purchase of a cup of oatmeal and a fruit cup, and out of the corner of my eye I spy a 'lets give a gift to the foster kid' tree. ' Now it’s officially Christmas. It's like seeing my first robin in spring. It really brings a tear to my eye…and bile to my throat. Now that I'm living the post group-home dream (security, a healthy long term romantic relationship, modest but steady income, solid relationships with friends and select family members) I try to pay it forward.
So I open one of the gift-cards attached to the branches of the tree.

'Boy 11 yrs 3 Playstation games.'
Must be a mistake right?

I select another

'Girl 16 yrs $100 gift certificate Abromrombie and Fitch.
Not TJ Maxx or some outlet store but Abrocrombie and frickin’ Fitch.

Those lucky bastards!
In my day-- that's right whippersnappers, in MY day-- because DCF in the 90's apparently was a whole different ballgame-- we had a $30 limit on 3 presents which we chose out of some no-name catalog, and the filler gifts were usually clothes and trinkets from Walgreens/Wal-Mart. Not exactly Playstation, but quality items that made for a good holiday. Then there was dreaded ‘church present' from which every Christmas and birthday we consistently got a super small sweatshirt in some god awful pastel color. One year I received a magenta sweatshirt had a picture of a smiling cat playing with a ball of string. I was 16.
Now I know Dear Reader (Dave) I should be grateful and humble blah blah blah, but frankly if you want to be looked upon favorably by the unwashed masses, take a hint from the Daily Bagel gift tree; donate something you'd want for yourself. Clothing you'd want to wear and food you'd want to eat. You don't get to shower yourself with self adulation by showering the 'needy' with kitten sweatshirts or chipped beef**

** When I left placements at 18 they gave me a hamper filled with food and household items as a good bye gift. It was a really great gift actually. It was filled with things you need for your first apt but never think to buy. Among the goods was a jar of chipped beef. Nobody eats chipped beef unless your 87 and live in the English countryside. It's like donating cranberry sauce in April. I tried to give it away...no takers. I'm not a fan of throwing perfectly good food in the trash, and I'm not a big enough jerk to re-donate it. It sat in my cabinet for 5 years until I started to get my life together(ish) I ceremoniously opened it and ate a few bites once I graduated college. So if anyone asks you what pride tastes like? Chipped beef...kinda salty.

Gobble Gobble

2009-11-29T17:37:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving

Pros

Went to Dave's 10 year class reunion. What. A. Blast. It was straight out of a movie. Small high school (90 students in the graduating class) in a Small Midwesternish town. Dave's friends were absolutely wonderful (not that i would expect anything less from Dave) but I'm so happy I got to meet them. Most of the attendees seemed decent, although there was that core of popular kids who held on to their late 90's shittiness, and brought it to the reunion by way of passive aggressive comments, whispers, and eyerolls.

The reunion took an awkward turn after it relocated to a local bar afterwards where the football star who made Dave's life hell during high school drunkenly admitted he is miserable and on antidepressants after marrying his high school sweetheart, the equally rude and bitchy lead cheerleader after knocking her up right out of high school. I couldn't make that shit up--well i could, but I'd like to think I'd be a bit more creative.

On a less uncomfortable yet schadenlicious note Dave's lovely friend Erin and I spied a karaoke machine and sang Wake Me up before you Go-Go by Wham, and had the bar jitterbugging.

Dave's Uncle John--my favorite of Dave's 398 members of his extended family. The sweetest, gentlest, kindest man I've met in a long time.

Bottle Fed a calf

Peace and quiet. Can't get enough of it.

Cons

3AM somewhere in MD Dave nailed a deer and totaled his new car. My back's a bit tight, but otherwise we're OK. And thanks to AAA, full coverage car insurance, OK Towing, vacancy's at the holiday inn, and Dave's father generously picking us up from the hotel and lending us his car to get home, we made it there and back OK.

Jello Salad. Colorful, kitschy, and creamy...yet it tastes awful.

Pennsylvania. I hate that state.

Unbelievably long car ride

Tell me Toni Tony Tone, Do you know what today is?

2009-11-17T17:22:00.000-08:00

6 years. 6 crazy, difficult, wonderful years have passed since Dave and I first met and all i can think is...son of a bitch...we're old. To mark the occasion I bought Dave, 'Mr. Astronomy himself', a star. Well actually I bought Dave an expensive piece of paper, as the name isn't recognised by anyone outside of the International Star Registry, but that's OK. Ready for cheesy? The star can be found within the coordinates of 11/1 (our anniversary) Aww within the Virgo (Dave's birthday) constellation AWWWW. Along with the star Dave got my signature message pie. A pumpkin and molasses pie with cutout stars and the mathematical symbol of pi cause I'm punny and Dave's a big ole geek.

Plus some records as mentioned in the post below.

Pumpkin and Molasses Pie

2 Eggs

1/2 cup sugar

1 tsp ground Cinnamon

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp ground ginger

1/2 tsp ground nutmeg

1 can solid pack pumpkin (15 oz)

3 tablespoons molasses

3/4 cup evaporated milk

Line a 9 inch pie plate with dough and set aside

beat together eggs cinnamon salt ginger nutmeg and and sugar, beat in pumpkin and molasses, gradually add milk, pour into crust and cover edges with tinfoil. Cook at 400 degrees for 10 minutes, remove foil and reduce heat to 350 and cook for 28-30 min (until knife inserted in the center comes out clean) cool for 2 hours and serve chilled.

Semi Sweet pie crust for Squash Pie or Custard Pies (from The Pie Book by Louis P. De Gouy)

1 1/4 cups Flour

1/4 tsp Salt

1 1/4 powdered skim milk

1 tsp corn syrup

2 1/2 Tbsp Water

1/3 cup shortening

Mix together don't chill roll out and bake

I'm into Peter Hunt, a folk artist from Cape Cod. After a few subtle hints, and a not so subtle email with direct links, carefully price-shopped and subtotaled, Dave fed my Peter Hunt obsession by buying some out of print/hard to find books; Peter Hunt's Cape Cod Cookbook, Peter Hunt's workbook, Peter Hunt's How to Do It Book, a copy of the Oct 1971 Playboy with Darine Stern the first black woman on the cover of Playboy (and as it turns out isn't featured in the magazine itself. Boo) and finally service coupons (1 free back rub, will cook romantic dinner etc) Wow. What a man!!

For our super special anniversary dinner we dined at The Gourmet Dumpling House. Best Chinese food in Chinatown. And cheap. Not kidding, I could hand them $100 bill and walk out with the deed to the place and 3 orders of scallion pancakes.

The rest of the night we spent quietly at home listening to Dave's new records (see post below) and reading our fortunes. We read tarot, tea leaves, palms all with pretty much the same result; "You have a nice relationship buttttt....yadda yadda yadda". Bullshit. I broke out my 4th grade paper folding skills and whipped up a fortune teller.

Dave's Fortune: We will marry in Vegas,buy a '52 Airstream and live nomadic lifestyle. I (Angie) will make cheap jewelry, handmade scrunchies, and hash brownies and sell them roadside, you (Dave) will grow a survivalist beard, whittle little animals out of soap and wood, and do odd jobs for locals. 2 of our children will sing and play guitar for the spare change of passerbyers. Our less musically inclined 3rd child will pick the pockets of those who don't financially support our artistic contributions.

My Fortune: You will go broke, and die alone in a house fire caused by a rogue cigarette ash discarded in a pile of stacked newspapers and fossilised cat turds.

annndd this is why I'm a Cathloic.

Happy Anniversary baby :)

Thrift Score!!

2009-11-15T11:43:00.000-08:00

As you know, adore antiques, flea markets, but most of all I am all about the thrift store. Not to be confused with consignment shops which are carefully stocked with gently used designer clothing, there's no imagination in that. I"m talking junk shops, and charity based thrift stores which are packed with...well crap. Whether it's furniture I can refurbish, a keyhole paperback of a VC Andrews novel, or a grandpa sweater I can lounge around the house in to the disgust of my boyfriend, there's something about digging through a bunch of junk and finding that one gem I can't live without.

So my latest trip to the salvation army I scored a mid to late 60's barware (and that is the ultimate find for a bric-a-brac whore like me) and and a 'record album' similar to a photo album but filled with early 20th century records (originals) from the late 1800's to 1930's. (the thick, heavy, thin grooved kind) . A bunch of Italian records which is more of a Dave thing, but also a few early blues records by someone by the name of Mr. Memphis Minnie. (A woman actually, and found a nice little article on her) The quality is amazing. $20 playa.

Deep Fried Sweets

2009-11-15T07:28:00.000-08:00

A few months ago i was sitting in the waiting room of my doctors office flipping through a back issue of national geographic when i came across an article on the State Fairs of the Midwest. With activities such as the annual Corn Dog Chomp where the Iowa state fair gathers 8400 participants to bite into a corn dog (fried in bacon fat btw) at the same time, State fairs don't just encourage American fatassery they celebrate it. God bless 'em.
Deep fried foods are the true delicacy of the fair circuit. They will dip anything in oil; pickles, cheese curds, cheeseburgers, veggies (which I've had and are delicious!). Amazing. But none so amazing as deep fried sweets of which I've heard rumors, but never had the pleasure of sampling. Ms. Amanda came up to visit me earlier this month and together we decided to give it a shot.

We decided to narrow our experiments down to the oddest yet most common of the deep fried sweets.

*Oreos
*Twinkies
*Snickers
*Cheesecake
*Coca Cola

We made a thick sweet batter of mix of powdered sugar, flour, water and pancake mix. Measuring smeasuring.

First the Oreos, I had about three glasses of wine at this point and Amanda took over the actual work (as seen in pic above) and i did what i do best; drink, bark out orders, and snap photos. She coated the cookies with the batter and dropped them in the oil. Now if I were smart...and sober i would have thought to myself. "Wow, the oil is smoking perhaps we should turn the heat down a bit" But alas no. We dropped the first cookie in there and nearly ignited a house fire. By the end of the pack we were deep frying oreo champs, and let me tell you. They were a thing of beauty. Warm, gooey, yet still firm enough to handle. By far better then any oreo or any other cookie i have ever eaten. Amanda loved them, and Dave and Adam weren't complaining either.

Next up? Twinkies. We all hate Twinkies, in fact i don't think i have ever met anyone who has ever liked Twinkies. They're much too sweet, dense, and you always feel a bit guilty, sick, and irritated after eating one. I was going to nix the idea all together, but we just saw Zombieland, and considering they don't contain not one natural ingredient, it's probably the easiest and safest 'food' to deep fry. So once again we coated and dropped it in. Oh. My. God. Amazing. Possibly the best thing I've had the pleasure of putting in my mouth.

Even Amanda's boyfriend Adam enjoyed it and he's a chef. Who, side note, is lovely and by far my favorite of Amanda's boyfriends. It's no secret that I've never cared much for the men in Amanda's life (although her taste in women is impeccable :p ) but Adam's top notch. Plus he's a dead ringer for Jeremy Miller (Yeah I said it. If your reading this, sorry buddy, but I've watched enough Growing Pains as a kid to spot Ben Seaver when i see him.)

So by now the bottle of wine is nearly empty, and we're getting drunker and cockier by the minute. and like most people who let their cockiness get the best of them, it was downhill from there on out. Case in point Snickers. Dropped it into the oil and it melted. Frickin melted. The chocolate almost completely came off the bar and the peanuts kind of came half way out of nougat. It wasn't bad. Just not good. Like eating a candy bar that was sitting out in the sun.

Cheesecake? disaster. Honestly the worst thing i've ever eaten. It was just oily. Warm oily cheesecake. I think it turned Dave, who's a cheesecake nut, off the stuff forever. l

Last up was Coca Cola. No frickin clue how to deep fry Coca Cola. Do you soak it in cake then deep fry it? You don't just pour the Coke into the oil...cause after a few drinks I seriously considered doing this, thank god sober minds steered me towards a less dangerous idea. We turned to Ben---I mean Adam, who has cooking experience. Ultimately we decided to fry it as you would a funnel cake. Flour, pancake mix, eggs, sugar, a crap load of Coke, um....other stuff and tried it out. Again nasty. It just kind of dissipated in the oil and burnt on the outside yet remained raw on the inside. The taste? watery coke. Not exactly what I had in mind. I could see how this would be delicious if done by competent chefs. We are not competent chefs.

Well at the end of the day, I packed on an extra 2 pounds, the house smelled like a fairground for a week, had a wicked hangover, and my already bad skin looked like that of a 16 year old fry cook, but I got to see Amanda, we had a blast. So all in all? Great way to spend a few hours. Y'all should try it....

Work rant

2009-10-26T14:58:00.000-07:00

The official title of my day job is 'physician recruiter' which is a fancy way of saying i cold call hospitals all day and find shitty radiologists with a laundry list of malpractice suits and place them in temporary jobs. Or in my case submit them to temporary jobs and have the client reject them in favor of a PACS system, a much cheaper and easier option.

So today was a cold calling day and I called up a PHS Santa Fe Indian Hospital in Taos NM

Me: Hello are you using any temporary doctors to fill in this week?
Male secretary in rad dept: (aggressively) who is this? Why do you want to know?
Me: My name is Angie and I'm with B***** and A*********?
MSIRD: (still aggressive)Who?
Me: Barton the locums firm?
MSIRD: First of all, we're a government facility you should never call in here asking for confidential information. We're a government facility (again), and blah blah blah, second of all we are not authorized to release that kind of information to anyone?
Me: Um are you sure because I've called many many government facilities about 15 today alone, most of which are military hospitals and they have no problems telling me who's on...
MSIRD: 'click'
Me: Asshole

Get the hell over yourself. It's a freakin Indian hospital, not the CIA... it's not even military based....? This job really makes me hate people. On the plus side...HURRAY!!! MY BLOG HAS FOLLOWERS!!!

Homebrewed Hard Apple Cider Recpie

2009-10-24T11:50:00.001-07:00

Last night my boyfriend and I brewed some hard apple cider. This was a piece of cake. It's easier to brew then beer, and is perfect for the season. If you have an interest in home brewing, it's a good recipe to start with.

So I found the following recipe online:
5 gallons sweet cider (fresh, cold pressed, no additives DO NOT USE pasteurized apple juice)
3 pounds brown sugar
3 pounds honey
2 packs champagne yeast

5 gallons is a lot of frickin cider. Plus we already have pumpkin beer (made from a HUGE pumpkin) fermenting in our 5 gallon carboy. So we cut the recipe down to 3 gallons:

3 gallons cider (we bought ours form Russell Farms in Ipswich MA)
1.8 pounds of brown sugar
1.8 pounds of honey
1.2 packets of champagne yeast

For the modified recipe we used a glass 3 gallon carboy and filled with about 2.5ish gallons of cider.

Mix remaining cider with the honey and brown sugar in a large pot. (heat it just high enough to dissolve the honey and sugar but not enough to boil)

It doesn't say to add spices..but it doesn't say not to add them, so i sprinkled in some cinnamon, all spice and nutmeg. Not too much, maybe like 2 teaspoons of cinnamon and about a half teaspoon each of allspice and nutmeg. Now that i think about it, i probably should have added that during the second fermentation process. Oops. LET COOL TO ROOM TEMP (overnight)

Add the packet of yeast to a cup of lukewarm water and let it sit for 20 minutes. This is called a 'starter'.

Normally in a 5 gallon bucket style carboy you would add the yeast mixture directly into it stir it forcefully 2 or 3 times with a long spoon to jump start the activation process. But in a glass carboy the opening is much too narrow so poor the yeast mixture into the now cooled honey/sugar/cider mixture and stir it a few times.

Pour yeasted mixture into the carboy. (you may have to empty some of the cider in the carboy out to make room) **Do yourself a favor and invest in a funnel**

Snap the airlock on and wait three weeks (1st fermentation). According to the recipe funky smells are normal as it ferments. Hmmm. Well keep out of direct sunlight, perhaps that will help.

After three weeks take out the airlock and pop some Campden tabs in the brew. (one per gallon) **Quick note, if you'd like to use the to sterilize fruit before fermentation add when you first add the cider to the carboy. I'm using it as a preservative so I'm adding now (bottling process)

Take an 'ale pail' and empty the priming sugar into it. Be sure to measure out the right amount of priming sugar to how many gallons you're brewing.

Empty carboy into 'ail pail' either by syphoning it, or getting you're muscle bound boyfriend to dump it in.

Bottle and Cap

Store in a cool dark area for another week or two depending on taste and pressure (second fermentation and helps flavor and adds carbonation) **If any bottles explode place them in the fridge. This stops the fermentation process dead**

Enjoy :):) Good luck and let me know how your batch turns out.

Extra juice?
Hot Apple Cider (non-alcoholic)
6 cups apple cider
1/4 cup real maple syrup
2 cinnamon sticks
6 whole cloves
6 whole allspice berries
1 orange peel, cut into strips
1 lemon peel, cut into strips

Lolita and bizarre hotel signs

2009-10-22T01:00:00.000-07:00

I'm in the middle of Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov in which Humbert a middle aged man and his sexual affair with his stepdaughter Lolita. I'm about 2/3rds in and it's pretty good. Surprisingly funny considering the plot. Among Humbert's (who BTW is the weakest most pathetic character ever put to paper) courting methods are to drug Lolita's mother to give him some one on one time with her 12 year old daughter, drug Lolita so he can molest her as she sleeps, bribes her for sexual favors, and he toys with the idea of marrying her and dumping her when she becomes too old (what's too old for a pedophile 16? 18ish?) but not before he impregnates her with a daughter with whom he will begin a sexual relationship with at the ripe age of 8 or 9. Charming.
I get the whole but he llloovveess her (which is crap) and Lolita being a sexually aware, calculating, evil little asshole. But you know what? Sometimes at the end of the day you've got to call a spade a spade. And Humbert is a giant mother fucking spade.

Anyway i bring this up because in the section of the book where Humbert traveling across the country to various low-end hotels to rape his stepdaughter--excuse me i mean 'make love to his darling nymphet Lo' *Gak* I came across this;

"...Some motels had instructions pasted above the toilet (on whose tank the towels were unhygienically heaped) asking guests not to throw into it's bowl garbage, beer cans, cartons, stillborn babies..."

STILLBORN BABIES?! what the crap! Who does that? And do they do it enough where it warrants a sign? My friend did some housekeeping for a short period of time, and she had horror stories about the conditions the rooms are left in but not once did she mention a fetus floating in the toilet.
What's the accepted method of disposal? Bury it out back? Call management? Wrap it in tissue and throw it in a wastepaper basket as you would other unsanitary unmentionables?
I figure since the book's set in the 40's people probably used cheap hotels to preform abortions, and 'stillborn baby' sounds alot better then 'aborted fetuses'. As much as I'm not a fan of abortion, I can't help but find this really really funny. So much so that I have made a sign to hang in my bathroom, should any of my house guests have designs to leave any surprises floating in my toilet.

Not bad...could be neater.

My other favorite quote?...Humbert describes the two adolescent boys Lolita has hangs out with as; "two gangling golden-haired highschool uglies, all muscles and gonorrhea" Heh. Humbert may be an odd little pervert but he's a funny odd little pervert.

Color Me Badd meets Arrested Development...

2009-10-21T06:30:00.000-07:00

So I'm on the YMCA website deciding what exercise classes i want take and came across this gem:

Dance Craft Mania
Do you love all things dance?! Want to hang out with other dancers and tie die hip hop hats, make a dance charm bracelet, learn T-shirt braiding and rhinestoneing? Come to this great class with Miss Darcy! You will make some dance themed crafts for yourself and your friends and talk about all things dance! With the holidays coming this is a perfect time to make gifts for the dance lovers in your life! Class length is 45 minutes.

STER Thursday 6:30pm

Rhinestoneing? Tie dye hip hop hats? um ok...

Hello :)

2009-10-20T16:54:00.000-07:00

So lately I've been bored out of my skull, and thought it might kill some time to start a blog. I've decided I'd introduce myself using one of those cheesy myspace questionnaires

Enjoy

1. The phone rings; who do you want it to be?

Eh I'm on the phone all day at work...i prefer texts. Funny texts.

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?

Yeah always. I feel bad for those people in the reflective gear who have to round them up 8 hours a day.

3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?

Depends on my comfort level and how much I've had to drink... but usually more of a listener

4. Do you take compliments well?

Not at all, but I've learned to nod and smile.

5. Do you play Sudoku?

numbers irritate me.

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?

It would never happen, You would never find me anywhere near the woods.

7. Do you like to ride horses?

I've only went a handful of times in my life, but it was a blast.

8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?

My uncle ran a camp when I was a kid and my mother worked full time so i spent the majority of my summer there. Sports, socializing, and fresh air...everything I hated as a kid. Still do.

9. What was your favorite game as a kid?

Reading. Anything i could do alone really. I was an only child, plus i couldn't stand other children.

10. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was married, would you go for it?

Married!? Hell no.

11. Have you lied to get out of a date?

Haha I've only been officially asked out on a date twice and after 5 years I'm still dating one of them.

12. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you?

I think so.

13. Do you like to pursue or be pursued?

I'm pretty shy, so pursued. Unless I"m single and your amazing. Then I'm going for it.

14. Use three words to describe yourself?

Pretty frickin awesome

15. Do any songs make you cry?

No but I recently heard the song Chasing Pavements by Adele and i choked up a bit

16. Are you continuing your education?

I'm hoping to start my masters soon, once i figure out what i want to major in

17. Do you know how to shoot a gun?

not a real one, but over the weekend i shot a few cups off a shelf using a cork gun and won a stuffed animal for my boyfriend

18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed?

My house was on fire before and i grabbed my stuffed lamb. Now I'd grab my cats/bird Maybe Dave...but my cats/bird first

19. How often do you read books?

All the time.

20. Do you think more about the past, present or future?

past and future.

21. What is your favorite children's book?

My favorite author as a kid was Roald Dahl, and I loved the Blossom Culp series by Robert Peck.

22. What color are your eyes?

dark brown

23. How tall are you?

5'3 but I'm a tiptoe walker so i look at least 5'5 (I hope)

24. Where is your dream house located?

My grandparents old house in Farmington CT. Oh the memories....

25. Do you have a secret fetish?

A secret fetish?! Please, I have about 20. But that's between me, my boyfriend, and the sex slave i keep tied up in my basement.

26. Have you tried sushi?

I love sushi. Healthy and delicious. Like hummus.

27. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?

I use to do that alot when i was a teenager. I still have some of those photos wearing huge earrings and airbrushed tee-shirt. ahh the late 90's.

28. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?

Ew. Just Ew.

29. When was the last time you were at Church?

too long...Easter i think.

30. Where was the furthest place you traveled today?

work

31. What was your favorite job?

I tried to start up my own crafty business a few years ago, poor beyond anything, but so so much fun.

32. Do you like mustard?

I've grown to tolerate it

33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?

tough call

34. Do you look like your mom or dad?

Dad. Both in looks and temperament.

35. How long does it take you in the shower?

I love the shower. I live in there. 20 min mim

36. Can you do the splits?

almost. i can touch the palms of my hands to the floor...does that count for somthing?

37. What movie do you want to see right now?

Nothing looks all that good right now, but the TV program Glee is perfection

38. If you could fast forward your life, would you?

Only the boring parts

39. What did you do for New Year's?

Don't remember...couldn't have been all that exciting

40. Do you think The Grudge was scary?

I thought The Dark Knight was scary. Don't judge me.

41. Could you relate to a character in Mean Girls?

I don't know...did they have a token black girl?

42. Do you own a camera phone?

Yes

43. Do you have an "ex box" with pics and letters from past lovers?

Nope.

44. Was your mom a cheerleader?

Cheerleader Captain actually. I"m sure she was very proud of her chubby uncoordinated socially awkward back-talking bookworm of a daughter.

45. What's the last letter of your middle name?

46. Do you like your middle name?

Marie? Not really.

47. How many hours of sleep do you get a night?

around 4-6

48. Do you like care bears?

I LOVED those little bastards. I wanted one so bad... that and a Popple.

49. What do you buy at the movies?

Nothing usually, the 10 dollar ticket is more then the theatre deserves.

50. Do you know how to play poker?

negative

51. Do you wear your seat belt?

Yup. I'm a awful driver, with a bad track record

52. What do you wear to sleep?

Nothing usually but if i do wear anything it's usually bizarre, like a bra, a headscarf and one sock.

53. Anything big ever happen in your hometown?

I spent some time in Farmington CT home of Miss Porter's Finishing School where Jackie Kennedy was an alum...La di da!!

54. How many meals do you eat a day?

55. Is your tongue pierced?

Nope.

56. Ever meet anyone you met on myspace?

God no

57. Do you read myspace bulletins?

I don't really do the social networking sites unless i have something worth networking

58. Do you like funny or serious people better?

Funny, but it's good to have a balance...

59. Ever been to L.A.?

Yup everyone ignores each other, wears mismatched head to toe designer logos and talks loudly on there cellphone/bluetooth. BTW Nobody's rocking their natural breasts, and the implants look cheap and painful.

60. Did you eat a cookie today?

Nope but i had some tirasmu

61. Do you use cuss words in other languages?

nope.

62. Do you steal or pay for your music downloads?

I still buy cd's. Yeah i know.

63. Do you hate chocolate?

Who the heck hates chocolate? That's like hating bunnies. Or air.

64. What do you and your parents fight about the most?

*sigh* What don't we fight about?

65. Are you a gullible person?

Yes

66. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy?

No. But i got a good one so it helps.

67. If you could have any job what would it be?

Starting my own creative/crafty business and becoming rich off it.

68. Are you easy to get along with?

For the most part. I'm quiet but once you get to know me I'm alright.

69. What is your favorite time of day?

3:36 pm on a Wednesday.